Husband hatred. You all know exactly what I’m talking about. When the baby is crying again even though you just comforted them 10 minutes ago and your husband is sound asleep next to you…. I’m telling you, I have never wanted to punch someone in the face so badly. My husband wakes up at 4 am every day for work and his job is very physically demanding. I’m a stay at home mom so our agreement has always been that I get up by myself at night with the kids. It just makes sense that way. That’s how we decided to divide the labor in our house. That’s fine. It’s logical, and it’s the best thing for our family. Try telling that to a sleep deprived mother of two under two at 3 am… But, let’s be real for a moment. I don’t hate my husband. At all! I love him beyond belief! Which is why I need to take extra steps to make sure that I don’t take my daily frustrations out on him. So, here are my top 5 tips on how NOT to murder your husband in the middle of the night!
Pretend he isn’t there
I know this sounds a little bit silly, but I found that, if I could just completely ignore my husband when he was sleeping at night or just not available to help me during the day, then I could keep my mind in a much healthier place. Maybe you have a husband who works from home and just knowing that he is in the next room, not to be disturbed, and not helping you, is enough to make your blood boil. The self pity and “woe is me” attitude can really creep up on you and be so hard to get rid of. It still holds me prisoner some days!
Catch yourself in the moment
If I ended up failing at step one (which was very often), then I would have to try my best to catch myself in the moment. So, as soon as you turn your head to look at him and start to feel that immediate jealousy and rage boil up inside of you make a decision to change your thoughts. Instead of grumbling under your breath about how useless his nipples are, whisper I love you. I’m serious. Retrain your brain to look at him with love.
Recognize when you are super hormonal
Our hormones can make us think and act irrationally BUT they are not an EXCUSE to think and act irrationally. We are in control of our own bodies. I track my cycle in a lot of detail. Because of this, I know exactly when I need to pay extra attention to my moods and how I react to things. Whether that be how I interact with my husband and children or how I react to changed plans, daily frustrations, or toddler sized messes. Taking a moment to be rational in the middle of irrationality helps me a lot, even though I definitely fail at this more often than I succeed.
Put yourself in timeout
If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all. Seriously. Don’t. It does not help anything. At all. I know that husband rage doesn’t end when the sun comes up. So, if your husband looks at you and says that one thing to get under your skin the next morning, don’t snap a rude response right back at him. Walk away and give yourself 5 minutes to collect yourself and calm down. If there’s an issue that actually needs addressed then plan a calm way to express yourself. Seriously taking 5 minutes to calm down is life changing.
Remember that it’s not forever
You won’t be this tired forever. You won’t be this frustrated forever. You won’t be this needed forever. So try to make the best of it. Looking back on early motherhood I regret wasting so much time being negative, grumpy, angry, spiteful, and just plain rude. Not just to my husband, but to myself too.
I’m a big advice taker and wisdom absorber. I love to hear other people’s stories, experiences, and advice so that I can learn from them. I love that I don’t have to make my own mistakes to learn a lesson. So, the next time you go to startle your husband awake in the middle of the night out of frustration….
…maybe you’ll remember my mistakes and do better than I have. Mom on, choose joy, and don’t hang onto anger or frustration 🙂